"Have ... have any of you ... lost that one friend ... that person who you thought will ALWAYS be there. Who said they would always be there, but, then, they got tired of you, or fed up with you, or just stopped caring about you, and they just left? After promising you they would never leave they break that promise? You have other friends, people who are your best friends, but that person just meant something to you, something really special, and while those other best friends of yours are people who you would die for in a minute, and they are still there and you know they always will be, you just feel .. empty because they take that specialness away because they just don't care anymore. They accuse their leaving of being your fault. They say it's because you stopped caring. Because you pushed them away farther then they could take. Because you just weren't good enough. Because you just didn't try hard enough. They say that if you care, that if you didn't push them away, that if you were good enough, that if you tried harder, then they would still be there. But, what I don't understand is why they can't understand that the only reason I push someone away was because I loved them so much, and that they meant so much to me, and that I got scared. I was frightened that they would take that love away. And I was right. They did. Why can't they understand?" - Jacqueline Kelly
I don't believe I pushed away. I chose to help a dying friend. I am at a loss for words of my own right now. This was the closest I could come to expressing how I feel.