Carlos R. "Chuck" Norris facts Wikipedia

Okay, I have to admit I am up to no good tonight. I recently started reading Aunt Becky's blog and she is freakin' HILARIOUS. She went on a John Mayer rant a couple of days ago and found herself unintentionally moving up the Google search results list thanks to the wonders of SEO. Don't ask me about this junk because I have no intention of trying to explain it. Today her blog followers, known as pranksters, were challenged. Choose someone to talk about and catapult your entry to the front page of Google Search. So that is why you will be reading an entry about the infamous Chuck Norris.

I have somewhat of an obsession with Chuck Norris facts. Tonight before taking on this mighty Google quest, I did a search for Chuck. The first page that came up was this Wikipedia page for Chuck Norris facts. I clicked and was really mad to see there were only a few of the facts listed on the page. Yes, I do live in reality and know these "facts" are not true. But why not include more of the facts on the page? Instead of trying to improve the Wikipedia entry, I will just add some to my blog entry. Wikipedia has plenty of people that can change their page and I have better ways to spend my time. Like doing some housework and going into Lupron-induced tirades. Here commences the fun.

• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
• Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
• When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
• Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Considered yourself enlightened by the knowledge of the power of Chuck Norris and pray that he lets you live another day.