Carlos R. "Chuck" Norris facts Wikipedia

Okay, I have to admit I am up to no good tonight. I recently started reading Aunt Becky's blog and she is freakin' HILARIOUS. She went on a John Mayer rant a couple of days ago and found herself unintentionally moving up the Google search results list thanks to the wonders of SEO. Don't ask me about this junk because I have no intention of trying to explain it. Today her blog followers, known as pranksters, were challenged. Choose someone to talk about and catapult your entry to the front page of Google Search. So that is why you will be reading an entry about the infamous Chuck Norris.

I have somewhat of an obsession with Chuck Norris facts. Tonight before taking on this mighty Google quest, I did a search for Chuck. The first page that came up was this Wikipedia page for Chuck Norris facts. I clicked and was really mad to see there were only a few of the facts listed on the page. Yes, I do live in reality and know these "facts" are not true. But why not include more of the facts on the page? Instead of trying to improve the Wikipedia entry, I will just add some to my blog entry. Wikipedia has plenty of people that can change their page and I have better ways to spend my time. Like doing some housework and going into Lupron-induced tirades. Here commences the fun.

• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
• Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
• When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
• Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
• Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Considered yourself enlightened by the knowledge of the power of Chuck Norris and pray that he lets you live another day.

Release and Torch

Back around Earth Day, my county government was having a butterfly release along with other Earth Day events. My family kept talking about it. I finally came up with a solution. I told them I was going to torch the butterflies. Yep, you read that right.

Here was my plan. Buy some hairspray and get a lighter. Wait for the release. Time for death and destruction. Burning butterflies fluttering through the air? AWESOME!

Oh yeah, don't hate my genius art skills.I went to a fine arts school. Don't question my expertise.

So, everyone thought I was insane. Until the day we brought our truck. We were at the car dealership during the time of the butterfly release when my husband mentioned it. The sales guy and finance guy were apologetic. I told them of my plan to torch the flying demons, watch their burning wings attempting to fly. They both looked at my strange. Then, the finance dude said, "Yeah, that would be kinda awesome." I could have hugged him. He really understood me. Not really, but at least he saw the potential beauty of the flames.

Butterflies

I went to Aiken's Makin today and saw this one vendor I really had a problem with. I think this picture speaks for itself. See me in the left corner?

The End of a Friendship?

"Have ... have any of you ... lost that one friend ... that person who you thought will ALWAYS be there. Who said they would always be there, but, then, they got tired of you, or fed up with you, or just stopped caring about you, and they just left? After promising you they would never leave they break that promise? You have other friends, people who are your best friends, but that person just meant something to you, something really special, and while those other best friends of yours are people who you would die for in a minute, and they are still there and you know they always will be, you just feel .. empty because they take that specialness away because they just don't care anymore. They accuse their leaving of being your fault. They say it's because you stopped caring. Because you pushed them away farther then they could take. Because you just weren't good enough. Because you just didn't try hard enough. They say that if you care, that if you didn't push them away, that if you were good enough, that if you tried harder, then they would still be there. But, what I don't understand is why they can't understand that the only reason I push someone away was because I loved them so much, and that they meant so much to me, and that I got scared. I was frightened that they would take that love away. And I was right. They did. Why can't they understand?" - Jacqueline Kelly

I don't believe I pushed away. I chose to help a dying friend. I am at a loss for words of my own right now. This was the closest I could come to expressing how I feel.

My grandmother

Many people who know me might not realize my grandmother has schizophrenia. She comes up with some weird ideas she truly sees as real in her eyes even though you know they aren't true. The bad thing is you can argue the validity of your point all day long and it won't make a difference. I believe this is a highly misunderstood disease, even to me.

It can be difficult to know how to respond to someone with schizophrenia who makes strange or clearly false statements. Remember that these beliefs or hallucinations seem very real to the person. It is not helpful to say they are wrong or imaginary. But going along with the delusions is not helpful, either. Instead, calmly say that you see things differently. Tell them that you acknowledge that everyone has the right to see things his or her own way. In addition, it is important to understand that schizophrenia is a biological illness. Being respectful, supportive, and kind without tolerating dangerous or inappropriate behavior is the best way to approach people with this disorder.
-How you can help a person with schizophrenia from the NIMH website

I know I probably shouldn't but I find myself highly amused yet aggravated at times with some of the things she says and believes. I hope my mom doesn't mind me posting these "Granny-isms". Most of them revolve around my grandfather James who passed away fifteen years ago. The ones in quotation marks are her actual words.

• Well, the strangest one is she believes my grandfather is still alive. She has fought with my mom about it.
  
• We stopped to get her a caramel Frappé after an appointment today. "I sure wish James could have come with us. He would have liked some coffee."
  
• "I saw some pears in the cabinet. I want you to serve me and your dad some with dinner." This was directed at my mom one night.
  
• My grandfather recently bought her a car, specifically my car. My mom hasn't heard enough about that so make sure you mention the PF Cruiser (not PT) to her.
  
• We lost our family place at the lake because the town flooded. DIDN'T HAPPEN
  
• My grandfather is coming home every night and almost every day. My grandmother barely sleeps for going to look for him out the door. This has been one of the major issues for my mom.
  

I could bore everyone death with this stuff, but I won't. I applaud my mother for her patience in dealing with my grandmother. I only worry about her health as I know this is a big strain. Mom, don't worry. Maybe I will get some patience of my own so you won't end up at a nursing home.

Purse Love

Here I am, home on a Saturday night blogging from a new app on my cell phone. I am currently taking a break from doing something long overdue, cleaning out my purse collection. Purses have been a love of mine for years. Yes, I may buy purses some consider expensive but they stay with me for a long time. My first love is in the picture and has been with me since probably ninth grade. It was many of Liz Claiborne's. I may get rid of other purses, but I don't think I can part with my first love.

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New Blessing

Diva-child and her newest cousin born today