The End of a Friendship?

"Have ... have any of you ... lost that one friend ... that person who you thought will ALWAYS be there. Who said they would always be there, but, then, they got tired of you, or fed up with you, or just stopped caring about you, and they just left? After promising you they would never leave they break that promise? You have other friends, people who are your best friends, but that person just meant something to you, something really special, and while those other best friends of yours are people who you would die for in a minute, and they are still there and you know they always will be, you just feel .. empty because they take that specialness away because they just don't care anymore. They accuse their leaving of being your fault. They say it's because you stopped caring. Because you pushed them away farther then they could take. Because you just weren't good enough. Because you just didn't try hard enough. They say that if you care, that if you didn't push them away, that if you were good enough, that if you tried harder, then they would still be there. But, what I don't understand is why they can't understand that the only reason I push someone away was because I loved them so much, and that they meant so much to me, and that I got scared. I was frightened that they would take that love away. And I was right. They did. Why can't they understand?" - Jacqueline Kelly

I don't believe I pushed away. I chose to help a dying friend. I am at a loss for words of my own right now. This was the closest I could come to expressing how I feel.

My grandmother

Many people who know me might not realize my grandmother has schizophrenia. She comes up with some weird ideas she truly sees as real in her eyes even though you know they aren't true. The bad thing is you can argue the validity of your point all day long and it won't make a difference. I believe this is a highly misunderstood disease, even to me.

It can be difficult to know how to respond to someone with schizophrenia who makes strange or clearly false statements. Remember that these beliefs or hallucinations seem very real to the person. It is not helpful to say they are wrong or imaginary. But going along with the delusions is not helpful, either. Instead, calmly say that you see things differently. Tell them that you acknowledge that everyone has the right to see things his or her own way. In addition, it is important to understand that schizophrenia is a biological illness. Being respectful, supportive, and kind without tolerating dangerous or inappropriate behavior is the best way to approach people with this disorder.
-How you can help a person with schizophrenia from the NIMH website

I know I probably shouldn't but I find myself highly amused yet aggravated at times with some of the things she says and believes. I hope my mom doesn't mind me posting these "Granny-isms". Most of them revolve around my grandfather James who passed away fifteen years ago. The ones in quotation marks are her actual words.

• Well, the strangest one is she believes my grandfather is still alive. She has fought with my mom about it.
  
• We stopped to get her a caramel Frappé after an appointment today. "I sure wish James could have come with us. He would have liked some coffee."
  
• "I saw some pears in the cabinet. I want you to serve me and your dad some with dinner." This was directed at my mom one night.
  
• My grandfather recently bought her a car, specifically my car. My mom hasn't heard enough about that so make sure you mention the PF Cruiser (not PT) to her.
  
• We lost our family place at the lake because the town flooded. DIDN'T HAPPEN
  
• My grandfather is coming home every night and almost every day. My grandmother barely sleeps for going to look for him out the door. This has been one of the major issues for my mom.
  

I could bore everyone death with this stuff, but I won't. I applaud my mother for her patience in dealing with my grandmother. I only worry about her health as I know this is a big strain. Mom, don't worry. Maybe I will get some patience of my own so you won't end up at a nursing home.

Purse Love

Here I am, home on a Saturday night blogging from a new app on my cell phone. I am currently taking a break from doing something long overdue, cleaning out my purse collection. Purses have been a love of mine for years. Yes, I may buy purses some consider expensive but they stay with me for a long time. My first love is in the picture and has been with me since probably ninth grade. It was many of Liz Claiborne's. I may get rid of other purses, but I don't think I can part with my first love.

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New Blessing

Diva-child and her newest cousin born today

Homemade Ice Cream

I am at home today sick. I wasn't hungry until I read this deliciousness of a blog entry. I curse and praise Amanda in the same sentence. Here I am, feeling awful yet I find myself craving ice cream so bad. Krispy Kreme ice cream, I may want to marry you. Cinnamon Bun, YES PLEASE!

If anyone feels sorry for me, you know what would make me feel better? I'll be patiently waiting for the ingredients after I make an attempt to get out of bed.

Gin and Berries

Audrey and I had an interesting conversation at the store tonight.

Her: Momma, we need to get some of that stuff.
Me: What stuff?
Her: Jen and Barry's.
Me: HUH?
Her: Jen and Barry's.
Me: Gin and berries?? Where in the world did you hear about this?
Her: You know, the ice cream. JEN & BARRY'S.

I couldn't stop laughing when I realized she wanted some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. She knew she hadn't said it correct when I was laughing and wouldn't repeat it for Steven.

Myrtle Beach

We are at Myrtle Beach this week on family vacation with Steven's family. I am surprised at how quick nineteen of us can be seated and fed at restaurants. We are taking a little break from the beach right now to shower and get ready for seafood dinner buffet.